


What's a Man to an Outlaw?

by blingeekingdave



Category: Red Dead Redemption
Genre: Genderqueer Character, Hot Springs & Onsen, M/M, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 13:27:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17366711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blingeekingdave/pseuds/blingeekingdave
Summary: Sometimes, Arthur Morgan doesn't feel like a man.





	What's a Man to an Outlaw?

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta'd

Sometimes, Arthur didn't feel like a man.

It wasn't a negative things. It had nothing to do with his pattern of self degradation, actually.

Sometimes, Arthur wasn't a man.

He first noticed the feeling coming into his mater teenage years, when Dutch and Hosea had him doing more to pull his weight. They said he was becoming a man. Sometimes he was fine with the notion, but other times it just frustrated him. One day, when Dutch was telling him some nonsense about how he'd grow into a fine man yet, and he just burst. Arthur ranted at the pair, begrudging the concept of “being a man.” What does that even mean? It was bullshit.

They let him have his rant. Neither of them really knew where it was coming from, but they figured it was just some moody teenager thing and let it be.

Arthur didn't mention the feelings he had past that. He didn't have a word for it, and he wasn't sure how to describe it with the words he did have. It stayed with him, though, throughout his 20’s and into his 30's. Rarely did he talk about it. If he did, it would get him odd looks or it’d be played off like a joke. It was better to keep it to himself, and he didn’t mind it too much.

Well. Charles didn’t react like others did. Whenever the man was in ear shot, he just looked thoughtful about it. Arthur supposed he was considerate like that. He really did admire the patience and thoughtfulness Charles lived his life through. Part of him really wanted to talk to Charles about it and really tell him what he was feeling, but the idea kind of scared him. It was a kind of vulnerability Arthur tried to avoid these days. There were a few times that Arthur tried to initiate the conversation. Each time, he lost his nerve and awkwardly aborted the conversation with some dumb excuse. Each time, he felt Charles eyes watching him walk away.

Not long after one such incident, Charles came up to Arthur, who was sitting alone by the fire. A hand dropped onto his shoulder. “Hey. Let's get out of here for a bit.”

It takes Arthur a moment to nod and reply with a “Sure.” He stood and followed Charles over to where their horses were grazing. “Do you, uh, know where you want to go.”

“Was thinking we could go up to the mountains and maybe see if we could hunt an elk,” Charles said, ensuring his horse was properly packed up. “It's warmed up so it won't be nearly as bad as when were all snowed in up there.”

Arthur nodded with a hum, mounting up on his horse. It sounded like a good a reason as any to get out of camp for a while. For a long while they rode in silence. The midday sun saw them through their trek across the land. As they entered the chilly mountains, they stopped briefly to change into their warmer jackets. It was quiet but it was companionable. Arthur didn't feel like he had to fill the silence at all with Charles.

Eventually, they had made it up into the snowy mountains with a few hours of daylight left. They'd have to camp that night. but they both had expected as much.

“Come on,” Charles says, dismounting Taima. “This seems like a good spot to venture off from.”

“Sure is cold enough,” Arthur griped without any venom. He got off his own horse, giving it a friendly pat, and followed Charles. “Hope we find a big one.”

“Yeah,” Charles hummed in agreement. “There's something satisfying about coming into a harsher climate like this and coming out with something to he proud of.”

“I think I get what you mean. Makes ya’ feel powerful.”

“In a way.”

They trudged on for a little while through the snow. They weren't venturing too far, but they were trying to get on the trail of something good. Eventually, Charles raised a hand indicating for Arthur to hang back for a second. Arthur curiously watched the man creep forward and the turn back to him with a breathtaking smile 

“I think I found something better than an elk. Come over here and look.”

Raising an eyebrow, Arthur approached to get a look. “Well, damn,” he said, seeing a steaming hot spring. “Ain't that something.”

“You want to go for a dip?” Charles asked, turning to face him him with wry grin. “Don’t get an opportunity like this too often.”

Arthur's face softened. It sounded like a damn good idea to him. “Sure.”

He felt like a much younger man as they laughed and stripped as fast as they could without soaking their clothes in the snow. A few minutes later they were shoulder to shoulder, sunk into the pleasantly heated water.

“How are you feeling?”

“Huh?” Arthur cracked his eyes open at the question, looking over. “What do you mean?”

“There's something you've been trying to tell me. In camp,” Charles said, voice that gentle way that puts Arthur at ease. “Are you doing okay, Arthur?”

There was a heavy pause before Arthur replied. “It's silly. Doesn't matter.”

“It's bothering you,” Charles counters. There are hands on Arthur's shoulders, warm from the water. He leans into the touch against his better judgement as those hands start kneading his muscles. “Damn, you're tense.”

Charles lets him be silent for a minute. He works out a particularly stubborn knot in Arthur's back. It elicits a groan, much to Arthur's embarrassment, and he can feel himself blushing.

“Tell me,” a soft voice coaxes. He's pulled against Charles's chest and melts at the contact. “You're safe with me, Arthur.”

“I think you've heard me say it before,” Arthur mumbles. “Sometimes I don't feel like a man, and it ain't because I'm feeling bad about myself. I just ain't a man then. I ain't a man right now. Not a man, but that don't mean I'm a woman either. I don't know, Charles. There are days where I don't think I'm anything at all. It ain't right.”

“Since when have a bunch of outlaws like us cared about what other folk think is right?” Charles poses this rhetorical question firmly. “There ain't nothing wrong with you, Arthur.”

Arthur clenched his eyes and the turned in the water face Charles. He saw the compassion on the man's face. Hands came up to Arthur's face and he put his own over them. “Charles.”

“I care about you, Arthur.”

“I think I care about you just the same.”

The remaining distance between them closed. They held each other in the soothing waters, kissing each other softly and whispering reassurances. Time passed by, and they hardly noticed until the sun began to set.

“We should go set up camp for the night,” Arthur said, reluctantly peeling himself off of Charles.

“Mhmm,” Charles agreed, and they both braced themselves to meet the chill that would be waiting for them when they left the hot spring. “We might have to huddle for warmth.”

Arthur laughed more genuinely than he had in quite a while. “I sure hope so.”

**Author's Note:**

> *bangs pots and pans* let arthur morgan be fluid between male and nonbinary
> 
> [tumblr](http://jewishmatsuda.tumblr.com) [twitter](https://twitter.com/blingeekingdave)


End file.
